margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
