Ambien. No doubt about it.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
