I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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