how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
