Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
