I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
