she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He passed out mid-signature
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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