We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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