hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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