I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
