I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
