I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
