i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
