You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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