I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
