What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Four minutes until I can fart!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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