After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
