these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
