Just cropdusted the office
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
