i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize