why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
