no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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