Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
