When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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