let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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