I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
