I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
