Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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