there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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