So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
