i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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