I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
