I could make wine with my vomit
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
