Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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