I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
and eventually we just all took our pants off
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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