wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
