You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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