I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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