Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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