I hate your face
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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