dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize