The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i've created a new STD.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
