I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize