so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
