we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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