What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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