I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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