Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
