i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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