so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
