i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
