Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
