Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
