what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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