not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
