How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
