the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
