Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
