she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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