4 words: hood of his car
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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