Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Farmville is her only friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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