Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
