We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
