I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I didn't notice because vodka
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
