What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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