Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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