Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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