Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
