OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
