She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
