Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
