so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
