Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
