i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
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IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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